This, my friends, is a lesson in ALWAYS making sure you have the address correct before you send your mail...

A while ago I got a letter through to my address (not just to my house number, but a very specific location -- which floor it was on, which side, rather than giving the flat number). It wasn't even addressed to a full name -- just a female first name, let's say it was Crystal (it wasn't).

On the back, it had a thick sticker on it that read "CONTENTS CHECKED AND SECURITY SEALED."

I get a lot of mail that isn't mine. It's all sitting in a massive pile at my door, I am terrible about remembering to repost it. This one stuck out because it wasn't addressed to the previous owners of this place (Nick, if you're out there, I have your exam results and your car has been recalled). I apparently tossed it to one side and didn't put it in the pile, because I found it next to the newt tank earlier this evening. Having rubbed the dust off it and scrawled 'NOT AT THIS ADDRESS' on it, I got to thinking that the Post Office wasn't ever going to find who it belonged to. There was no return address, not even a last name. They hadn't even written a post code.

Now, I am a curious person of little moral standing... so I opened it. In the name of science, and in the vague hopes of finding out who it belonged to or a return address. It certainly wasn't the previous owners of this place, and I've been here for years now.

Inside were five loose-leaf sheets of lined school-jotter paper, covered with handwriting...

...detailing how best to make your very own bondage dungeon! Complete with little organised lists of itinerary needed to set it up. There are even little illustrations to go along with it -- if ever I need to build my own turn table to tie a slave to, I've got the instructions right here!

Some highlights of the lists include:

You can get:-

Rope
Chain
Shackles
R Clips

A saddlery for:-

Rubber horse bits
Stirrup leathers (good for waist straps)
Wallrings for Hay racks are good for fixing slaves to

Reigns for riding your slave!

Also, from the little diagrams:

arm straps (dog collars)
Leg straps (large leather dog collars?)
Rings for nipple clip chains
Ring for cock clip chains

Hahaha I could post so much more, but I am pretty sure Jim (probably not his real name, and not the fake name he used in this letter, either) wouldn't be too pleased to find it on the internet. I do not see how anyone could build a fetish dungeon in a flat this size, though- I don't even have room for a proper-sized sofa, nevermind a place to clip a slave to a hay rack wall-ring! I'd have to sleep on the turntable myself when it wasn't in use, and if I had a guest they would have to spreadeagle themselves on the wallmount -- not practical, not in the least.

This probably means that somewhere in this very street there is a dominatrix with a load of plywood and rope and no idea of how to use them, too, hahaha. Maybe she'll visit BnQ and consult their DIY experts.